Category Archives: Uncategorized

There’s not a pause button on life or is there? 

It happens to all of us…we want to hear that verse again from that song we’re listening to through our earbuds at the gym…or we use Tivo to catch up on our favorite shows…pausing TV right in the middle to run into the kitchen to get a snack or take a needed bathroom break. 

But…

What about your life as you know it?

Where the hell is the pause button? Is it hidden underneath the cushions of the couch like loose change…is it packed away in the garage amongst the boxes of Christmas decorations?

Nope…not there either folks. 

It simply doesn’t exist, or maybe it does 

So in the interim, how do we prevent life from getting the best of us without losing our freaking minds? First thing…PRAY. Next comes all the rest that I’ll get to shortly. 

Parents especially understand this…you cannot pause your life away from your duties as a parent-well at least no good parent does. We all need breaks and in turn, are better parents for it. 
As a FTM, I cherish all the moments spent with my beautiful son…but I also relish in the time I’m able to get away for myself. It doesn’t happen always as planned, but never underestimate the power of a scented candle and a hot bath all ALONE. There is a God. 

Before women were mothers…guess what? Yeah…they were women too and hmmmm ya know what?? We STILL are. With that revelation comes a whole gamut of things that make us who we are. 

What helps keep clarity in our lives?

SUPPORT…did I put that in all CAPS, yes I did…and I will do it again. SUPPORT. 

Having a support system, whether that’s a spouse, a parent, a friend, etc…means everything. It also serves others to understand that JUST because you work outside of the house and you have a partner that does not, certainly DOES NOT negate you from your parental responsibilities. Parenting is a 24/7 365 day a year job…it’s sad when people can’t be on the same page with this. 

Wake up call…

If you choose to be a parent, you choose to go above and beyond what’s humanly possible on a daily, nightly, and everywhere in between basis. You’re always wearing your superhero badge. That’s how it is…mothers and fathers included.

So what’s the problem?

In some households there is no balance to parenting…thus, no pause button, no break button…better get like the energizer bunny and “make it do what it do.”

Then, there are some that have seen the light! They get it!! They have a system that works!! In these households, there is more peace than arguments…more talking than yelling…more love than animosity. There you have it, they’re winning! 

When you find your own personal “pause” button…you’ll know it. You need a break sometimes, and sometimes is OK. It makes a hell of a lot of difference when others understand how to help you get to a place where you can reset. 

Don’t neglect your peace…fight for that. 

Stay encouraged…

Desirae BBB

A Few Things Mothers Should Teach Their Sons

I was looking quite intently at my son yesterday, ((as I do most days)) and I thought to myself…There are so many things I need to teach you…so many things you need to learn. 

A few things came to mind that I admired in my own father…things that made him a good man, the very same things that would make ANY man a better person. 

I came up with this list for now:

1. How to cook AND clean for himself…be self sufficient in all things?????

2. How to treat, speak, and be respectful to a woman??

3. If you make a mistake then own it, apologize, make up for it & move forward ?

4. Cry if you need to?

3. Live intentionally (Life is too damn short to be unhappy…do those things that make YOU happy and bring YOU joy.)?

6 Cowards die many times before their deaths…stand up and fight for what you believe.⛪️

7. Remember your time is a precious gift⏱

8. Make sure your family feels connected…??????

9. True manhood is about putting others before yourself

10. Appreciate when someone does even the smallest thing for you (They didn’t have to) 

11. Use your words to elevate yourself and others. 
12. ALWAYS tell a woman she’s beautiful…especially your wife or mother ?

It’s All A Choice.

You’re struggling to make that one important decision…I get it and I believe many of us have been there. Some of us more than others. 

What is it that is stopping you for moving forward, head on…without looking back? 

If it’s guilt you’re doomed…guilt will suck out all the life from the very thing you’re trying to decide. Guilt is the slowest form of suicide…tears you up from the inside out and contaminates every single aspect of the life you’re supposed to live. 

Everyday you’re given the opportunity to choose…some choices don’t impact your life as much like: choosing which shoes to wear, what to eat, what to read. YET other choices have such lasting effects that you can look back years later and know it wasn’t the best decision to make. 

For instance: 

Who you marry

Where you live

What job to take 

No…these choices are HUGE…and the decisions involved with these choices can make or break your life. 

If you want to live a life with no regrets, learn to make decisions that help you grow. Growth is painful sometimes, so don’t expect everything to be easy. BUT do expect that the decisions that help you evolve into a better human being don’t always come about without pain. 

Some of the HARDEST decisions I’ve ever made have been the BEST decisions. 

It doesn’t always appear that way at first…but eventually the blessings of you making that particular choice in the first place will come to fruition. 

Trust that your heart knows…one day you’ll look back with wisdom and understand the choice you made was for the best. 

Do not let guilt trap you in a life situation that you’re personally not happy with. 

With God…All things are possible. Stay encouraged. 

~Des

Lessons Are Repeated Until They Are Learned

During your lifetime you will most certainly come across people who seem to experience the same circumstances over and over again…yourself included. Most of the time, life reveals itself in incontrovertible ways which lead us to either question what’s happening, as we slowly come to find our answers or ignore the message entirely. Let’s look at the latter possibility first…ignore, ignore, ignore and ignore some more because you think ignoring the situation will make the lesson go away. WRONG…the more you avoid it, the more it will appear in a variety of ways basically until you fall on your ass. Falling on ones ass typically isn’t fun…you’ll learn from it though. Those of you reading this can relate this to your own life, or the life of someone you know. Knowing someone like this can cause headaches…literally. Can you MAKE them get it any quicker? Unfortunately not…what you can do is remind them of how they are repeatedly experiencing things, but even still…they WON’T get it until they’re ready…this holds true for you too…so hopefully this happens sooner rather than later for everyone’s sake. Until that time comes remember…lessons are repeated until they are learned.

How Honest Are You With Your Partner

Think about this…would you rather someone close to you lie about something pertaining to your looks or be honest and express what they think may look better?  Before formulating a judgement on this post….read on.

You know how some women have been known to ask their husbands/boyfriends…”Does this dress make me look fat?” Or something of that nature? It works for BOTH sexes.  It’s one thing to save someone’s feelings, but if you think something on your partner would be more flattering like a certain hairstyle, shirt, etc…do you suggest it or just stay quiet?

We all have preferences and the way one looks is part of  what makes us different this is true. BUT if you don’t particularly care for something about your partner that could be changed for instance, hair, nails, facial hair, Cologne, makeup style, exercise habits, etc…would you be HONEST in saying what bothers you?

I believe most people feel they would offend someone by expressing their preferences because ultimately what a person likes and chooses is their business and as long as THEY like it…that’s all that matters right? Better question…would you want YOUR OWN PARTNER to be completely honest with you and you with them about their/your appearance?

 

Can YOU Relate?

Here I am bringing you another “Ponderment”…yeah I know, that isn’t a word right? Well, it is now because I’ve just made it one. I’m going to say a few things about advocating for yourself…being your own best cheerleader. Only you can truly feel and understand the passion to accomplish a goal that’s brewing within your spirit.

Can YOU relate to thinking about a plan, a pursuit, a mission soooooo much that it’s the first thing you wake up thinking about? AND at night sleep doesn’t come easy because your mind is literally racing with ideas to further implement what you want?? When you speak with other “likeminded” people THEY can relate, others…uh well, not so much. I’ve learned not to blame them for not being as enthusiastic about things as I am.

The reality is…THEY don’t think about the same things that you do…THEY don’t share the same intensity that you do about what makes you happy or what brings you peace. Does that mean you stop believing in yourself? No…you keep feeding your desire until the seeds you’ve planted sprout into your reality. You nourish your dreams just like you nourish your body. What you put into it either helps it to grow further OR it sucks the energy out of it and it withers. Don’t be a “Witherer”…SEE I did it again…I made up a new word and now it’s a noun representing what a strong person will never become. What brings you joy is your peace…always keep your peace sacred and always help it grow.

~Des

Doing Something New Requires CHANGE

The only thing constant is "Change."
The only thing constant is “Change.”

I’m getting ready to start something new…no better way to do this than to launch my new blog today. Whether you’re male or female, I am so glad you’re here because my topics are relatable to both sexes. It feels great to motivate others and in turn, to be motivated myself. I’ll be the first to admit that doing new things can be scary…BUT, how do you expect a change to happen in any area of your life when you aren’t even being HONEST with yourself about what you need to change? You can think about something all day long, but until you direct that thinking into “effort” you’re simply spinning your wheels like a hamster with nowhere to go. Now that sucks! I’m not going to allow fear to paralyze me…Don’t let that be you either! I welcome you to  scroll down and SUBSCRIBE.  I plan to be very candid and will be telling you all more about this in my next blog entry…until then, go to the drop-down menu on the right and click “About Me” as well as other topics of interest. Be blessed and be a blessing. 

~Des